Thursday, May 12, 2011

Wrapping up another semester

Today marks the end of my second year of college. I’m 42 ½ years old. There are so many days that I wonder how the heck I can do this for another minute let alone another two and a half years until I finish my BA.

I love being a student. I love learning and can’t ever get enough. I hate that there are limits on the number of classes I can take each semester, and that there is an end cap of how many classes I can take at RCTC. I’ve no reached that end cap and it’s time to move on to my 4 year college. After summer session I’m 3 classes shy of my Associates. I’m working on the appeal for that so I can take those classes and get the Associates degree. But that is so hard because there are so many more classes I want to take!! I understand – I just wish I could find some sort of way around it so I can take all those wonderfully interesting classes I see in the list!! Maybe I’ll win the lottery and can keep taking classes until my thirst for knowledge is satisfied. I have a feeling that I won’t ever quench that thirst.

There is part of me that is afraid to begin another year. The end of my first year my grandma died. The end of this semester a favorite uncle is dying. We found out on Monday that he has end-stage liver failure. Now I’m worried that this is a trend and someone is going to die at the end of every year. I know that is not logical or anything. I know that in my head, but in my heart I’m terrified.

And during mid-terms there have been other stressful situations. During the first years mid-terms I found out my boyfriend fathered a child with someone else at the start of our relationship and had been lying to me. Midterm this year was a stressful time for me when I realized that I was not going to sustain my business where it was at and that I was going to have to close it. Thank heavens that worked out.

But running a business by myself while going to school (and having a house and family) is not an easy feat. It’s damned hard if you want to know the truth! And now I’m running two businesses. UGH! But I’m going to continue to do it and make the best possible life for myself and my children. I can do this.

The hospital my uncle is in is the University of Minnesota hospital and so I I’ve seen a lot of young college students and spent some time observing them. I really missed out. I’ve felt that for a long time. I wanted to go to college after graduation but had zero family support for much of anything. I didn’t know anything about financial aid or anything. That was 25 years ago. I have always loved movies about that time in life –finishing high school and starting college and college life. I wanted that. And now that I’m finally in college myself for the first time ever it’s a completely different situation than what you see in the movies. Because it’s entirely too crazy a situation to see what life is like when you are a full time student at my age with a family and a business to run. It’s not fun. You don’t have time for fun.

I feel so sad that I missed out on that. I plan to encourage young kids to follow their dreams of college right away – that there are ways they can do it. And help them if there is any way I can. I will push and push for my kids to go to college right out of high school so that they may enjoy all the fun and new experiences college life has to offer a young co-ed.

Every day is a learning experience, you should grasp that golden ring and hang on and don’t let anyone get in your way of your dreams. This is not an end for me, or a beginning. Well it is both of those things but it is middle as well. I don’t ever want to finish learning. I want to spend every day of the rest of my life being open to learning and growing. Because life is like a box of chocolate, but it is also like a library with no titles on the books. You never know what you are going to get but that doesn’t mean you don’t take a bite and open the book. I’m off to read as many books off my bookshelf of TBR books as I can before Summer Session starts. See ya in a bit!

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